After the Mother’s Day Special, PYDC has organized another parenting related forum on 20 June 2020, where YB Soon Lip Chee, Penang Exco for Youth and Sports, was the Special Guest and Dr Gwee Sai Ling, General Manager of PYDC, was the moderator. Fathers who were invited included Mr K. Ravinther, Mr Faris Hakim and Mr Yeap, also known as Coach W, one of the Master Coaches from Wisdom Woods. YB Soon expressed that family plays an important role in one’s life hence family is a major focus in the Penang 2030 Vision. 

They started the ball rolling by sharing their experiences when they became first-time fathers. Mr Ravinther began by observing his own parents, going around talking to people, attending courses and reading books. Mr Faris Hakim went through trial and error and enjoyed talking to his child whilst still in the mother’s womb every night. Coach W expressed that it was the best moment in his life and he learned through readings, courses and hands-on experimentation. Coach W also put in a note of caution that financial planning is important as additional expenses will appear unexpectedly.

Then went on to discuss about balancing between parenting and career development. For Mr Faris Hakim, teamwork between him and his wife was the key to facing the challenge effectively. Coach W changed his job and picked up MBA during his first baby and he owed it to family support, teachings from gurus and coaches, learning NLP, practicing Dr Stephen Covey’s teachings and friends to pull through. Mr Ravinther emphasized the importance of having a brilliant wife and working collaboratively with her to be able to successfully raise 4 children.

In terms of parenting style, Mr Ravinther coined “Situational Parenting”, adapted from the concept Situational Leadership. He explained how he had to use different style for each of his 4 children including, directive, coaching, supporting and delegating. Coach W highlighted the importance of being a role model for our children. Mr Faris Hakim shared that he bought mahjong papers and crayons for his child to draw instead of resorting to smart phones. He also introduced traditional games to his child.

Having a child at the age of 4, Mr Faris Hakim shared that his focus is on emotional and physical development. He suggested that offering praise is important in helping the child to build self-esteem and enjoying physical activities helps the child develop healthily in terms of physical growth. Mr Ravinther expanded further on emotional development. Being a trainer, he exposed his children to emotional intelligence. He explained that children need to know that they are well loved by their family and mistakes are acceptable so that they realize that family is where they can fall back on when mistakes are made. Other than that, parents should also offer social and spiritual guidance to their children. In terms of intellectual development, Coach W shared a metaphor, where he described every children as different types of flowers who need to blossom at their own right time. He further shared about the different learning preference of different children, as can be assessed through NLP’s representational system. He encouraged children to learn extra-curricular skills, such as art and music, to develop all areas of the brain.

YB Soon mentioned that there seemed to be no parenting course in Malaysia and he thinks that such courses can be important because young parents may not know the correct or effective ways of parenting. He expressed dissatisfaction when he saw many parents who use smart phones as the solution too frequently. Acknowledging that it may be challenging, he urges parents to spend more time with their children by playing together, sharing stories or watching television together.

On another note, Mr Faris Hakim shared that he relied on his parents and his parents’ parents as a his support system. Mr Ravinther shared that his mother-in-law was amazing in supporting the development of all his 4 children. He also acknowledged his own parents, his domestic helper from Indonesia, teachers and his church for forming part of his support system. He also acknowledged PYDC’s effort in building a supportive community, through initiatives such as this forum.

Lastly, the speakers shared some advice for young parents. Coach W suggested reading, attending courses, webinars and community sharing as preparations. He expressed that the 7 Habits and NLP have given him important guidance to be a good father and he advised continuous learning as the way to go. Mr Faris Hakim shared that it is ok to make mistake along the way and just seek knowledge and improve on attitude, skill and knowledge. YB Soon shared that he likes to let his child play puzzles because he thinks that it is useful for intellectual development, memory enhancement, problem solving and focus expansion.  

The session with great quotes from the speakers:

Coach W: “Fathering is not something perfect mand do, but something that perfects the man.”

Mr Faris Hakim: “Success is not a destination, it is a journey.”

Mr Ravinther: “Fatherhood is a journey, embrace it and enjoy it.”